Dementia: A Brother's Perspective

There are no words that can make anyone feel the shock and pain of having a loved one diagnosed with a terrible disease that is both rare and incurably terminal. You have to have that same experience yourself in order to know what I mean. 

Several years ago my little sister, the "baby" of the family was diagnosed with Pick's disease. Her particular case was classified as 
Frontotemporal lobar degeneration, or simply, FTLD. 

FTLD is an insidious disease in which the brain has tau proteins,  an intrinsically disordered protein, which, when gone awry, cause the frontotemporal lobar brain cells to degenerate rapidly over time. Indeed, her brain scan had already revealed huge black areas where her brain once was in the frontotemporal region. 

The problem was in the beginning she had doctors who told us her mental condition was due to her overly-long heart surgery and her brain may have suffered oxygen starvation. So, for two years we accepted that analysis. But when things kept getting worse, suspicions about the diagnosis arose, and that's when she was taken to UCLA medical center to see neurological specialists after a long and frustrating battle with quacks and insurance companies.

At UCLA they did a brain scan or x-rays. The "photos" were shocking, and we all felt the dread upon seeing the awful brain cell degeneration. Numbness filled my whole body. I did a little cursory research on the web and it hit me hard in the pit of my stomach. After some detailed research, my brother found out that the victims usually live 5 to 8 years after diagnosis. It was hard to take. Eight years seemed so far away. But, now, looking back, they flew by.

Knowing she had been diagnosed late into the disease, we tried to pinpoint the time we think it set in. It seems it began to manifest itself more obviously in 2009. She became oddly obsessive about certain things. She also was indifferent to her daughter's newborn children. Once proud to be a grandmother, her behavior seemed bizarre to those who knew her. At the time some feelings were hurt, but somehow no alarms yet went off. 

When our mother suddenly died in 2010 from a fall, she was unemotional. It was as if she didn't realize our mother was dead. Instead she was more concerned about taking things out of the house immediately after her death that our mother had promised she could have after she died. This was not at all my sister's usual behavior. I was stunned by her response when I informed her she couldn't take anything out of the house until Mom's will was read.

Unfortunately, my mother, who was too superstitious about wills and death, failed to write any of her promises down, so all the things in the house belonged to her surviving husband. When I stated this, she uncharacteristically stomped her feet and yelled at me, "That's not fair. You're not being fair!" A mantra we all would soon hear over and over again the next few years.

In time her speech began to change. She was repetitive with words and phrases, and used the word "too" at the end of all her sentences. After a while she would add another "too" to the first "too". Sentences were then often ended with "too too". 

People she had long known would approach her in public and she could not recognize them. She was also obsessed with certain types of religious things associated with her faith. She would play every day her recordings of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, at full volume! She even did this when we went camping. It got so bad her ever-patient husband had to remove the CD from the camper's stereo player. But, she was so desperate to hear her beloved Mormon Choir, she took the CD, locked herself in the truck cab, and played it full blast while she sang along at full volume. Even with all the truck windows rolled up, we could hear her singing 20 feet away. It was both comical and heart rendering at the same time because deep in our hearts we knew it was a clear demonstration of her ever-declining illness. 

In 2012 her daughter began a blog wherein she chronicled her behavioral changes. She worked tirelessly on putting together a foundation for dementia victims, and fighting social security, etc.
Some of the moments she recorded were comical moments, yet we knew that in time, she would pay the ultimate price for her rare disease. Surely, we were choosing to look at the brighter side of her remaining life.

Some time later we were told she was suffering from semantic dementia —  a type of dementia that erases one's ability for language skills. Soon she lost her ability to remember names of things; common things like "stop sign", etc., but she knew what you were supposed to do at one. But sadly, even that part disappeared. Soon she had no regard for concept of safety, crosswalks, red lights, or waiting before traffic had cleared. She had to be held tightly whenever we escorted her anywhere outside the home. In the drug store she pulled away from us and ran to the head of the line at the pharmacy window, went right up to the pharmacist to ask where her pills were.  

On a trip to Montana to visit my brother, she saw cows, but didn't know what they were, or at least what to call them. While visiting there it snowed on her and she didn't know what was happening. It freaked her out. Rain had the same effect. It even seemed to have disturbed her, maybe even frightened her.

Right after her initial diagnosis at UCLA, the doctors, compelled by California law, reported to the state she could no longer drive an automobile. This upset her profoundly. She was proud of her driving skills, always bragging she never was cited and never exceeded the posted speed limit, etc. She was angry at "those dang doctors" at UCLA for having her driving license revoked. "I'm a good driver! I drive better than my husband! He touches the white lines!" she would constantly say. The ignition keys had to be locked away because she was determined to drive because those "stupid doctors" didn't know what they were doing.

After forgetting many words, well known people became unrecognizable to her as well. My brother, her childhood companion and protector, came down from Montana to visit her. She did not recognize him at first, and had to be helped by pointing him out in a living room full of family. Then it dawned on her it was her closest brother. Her recognition was short. It was over quickly and she moved on to other things. She didn't have the ability anymore to appreciate his presence and spend time with him.

During December of 2012 she went "Christmas shopping" with her daughter who attempted to steer her to gifts her husband might enjoy. Guy stuff like salami stocking-stuffers, colognes, etc. She would have none of that. She was so proud when she finally found what she was looking for, a one-gallon bottle of Gain laundry detergent. She beamed with pride as she placed it in the shopping basket, sure that her husband would be overjoyed with his gift. 

It all seems like yesterday now, as she soon began to quickly degrade. All to soon she lost her ability to speak, even though she had long lost her ability to converse, she before could at least speak albeit repetitive phrases. She soon began to break out of the house and run, yes, run up the street and walk right into neighborhood homes of people she knew. 

It then became obvious she needed 24 hour supervision, and later, locked security doors and gates. Her body was still in strong shape and she could easily outrun us. (I am much older than she is being 14 years her senior. In fact, she was only 5 yrs old when I permanently left home to join the United States Air Force).

It was painful to watch her lose her ability to communicate. Then the worst began — she lost her desire for food. We had known from research this day would eventually arrive. It seemed it arrived sooner than we had expected. Before she loved to eat "healthy" foods. She even boasted she was a "good cooker". Unfortunately she cooked everything at full flame, and burnt food to a crisp. The knobs to the stove had to be pulled off and hidden so she would start a fire. Her diet eventually digressed to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Then she began to forget she had eaten and would eat several a day. She put on nearly 60 pounds, and she was never one to be heavy. Even that didn't last long either.

It didn't seem long before she lost her obsession for those sandwiches and began to eat only one half a sandwich a day; then 1/4 a day. Then, sooner than we expected, she couldn't swallow. It was obvious her brain was shutting off her motor skills. The worst part was not even water could she swallow. We knew then that her time was nearly gone here on earth, and that those 5 to 8 years she was given had lapsed. The disease, it seemed, was right on schedule, as if it had to be. It was the time we all knew was coming, but tried to ignore. Speculations ran as much as six months, but a hospice doctor cut that time down to no more than two to three weeks. We were stunned. Reality came to rest upon our hearts and minds immediately and heavily. 

A local camping trip was cut short after we went to see her and saw how she was so close. Going back gave us no pleasure as camping usually does. In two days it felt like we had been there three weeks. It was hard for me to focus, and I found it hard to keep track of the days we had been there. I told my wife we had to go home. She instantly agreed. That was two days ago.

Today, at 0640, my little sister passed away peacefully with her children and husband by her side. Slowly her life ebbed away. There was no gasping, no clamoring, just peaceful permanent sleep as her heart ceased to beat.My wife, daughter and I rushed to her side and stayed with her and the family until her body was transported to the funeral home. At her bedside a prayer was offered by a member of the clergy invoking peace and love for all her family. Thankfully, our state's laws do not require an autopsy on patients under a doctors care for the illness that took their life.

My sister was a faithful woman, to her God, her faith, and her family. I am at peace knowing she has her mind back now and in her heavenly reward enjoying those family members who have gone before us.

Some have said it's not fair that someone so kind and beloved should get such a terrible disease. But, that isn't the way life works. Life isn't fair, and was never meant to be. Yes, we are required to treat others fairly as fellow human beings, or, as God's children. But life itself has no such requirements. We knew that when we signed on to take this journey. We are here to endure and be subject to whatever life gives us. Over these things we have no control.

We move on after this life to greater and more beautiful things — to live in immortality, never to suffer physical pain again with the ultimate hope of eternal life with a loving Father in heaven, and His son, Jesus the Christ, who took upon himself the sins and sufferings of all who would repent and believe in him. 

The Sunset Years: Good Bye Uncle Harold

It is a sad part of life that when you get into your later years, as I am now, you have to start saying good-bye to so many you have loved for so long a time. Only three months after I retired did I have to bid farewell to my mother unexpectedly on 30 Jan 2010, only to be followed by her husband forty-five days later on 15 Mar 2010. In May we laid to rest my dear wife's ebullient sister, Reyna after a long and painful bout with colon cancer. The very next month we had to bury my younger cousin, Dennis who died from a heart attack. In case you were not keeping track, that was four deaths in less than six months.

Today at 7:15 am, 28 Jan 2012, my uncle Harold left us to go back home to that God who gave him life. He suffered for three weeks in a hospital bed after heart surgery. He lived a full and happy life enjoying his craft and hobbies. He loved his family.

My mother's brothers are a close knit family. It will be hard for them, especially since he went 'out of order' being a younger brother. He was the fourth child and second to die of the adult children 'out of order'; my mom being the first. He was the only brother not to have moved out of the state, and missed his brothers sorely. Now, they will miss him.

No one could match uncle Harold's craftsmanship. Whatever job he took on he mastered it and produced magnificent results to the smallest detail. He was a master automobile restorer and could paint a car to the finest quality. He even did his own upholstery work in the cars he restored. He built model airplanes and made a gorgeous R/C replica of the famous WWII P-38 pursuit plane, the Lockheed "Lightning". He even hand crafted the exhaust turbines that powered the turbochargers so that they would spin just as they did on the real fighters. In every detail the plane looked real, only miniature.

He was a tireless worker and hated idleness. You could seldom catch him not doing something either for himself or a family member. Retirement bored him, so he went back to work as an engineer in the high rises downtown L.A. They finally had to 'run' him off to force him to retire and take care of himself (health). Industry was uncle Harold's life long motto.

He served God in whatever calling he was asked to serve in, and was a faithful temple worker aiding those seeking eternal blessings and bonding for themselves and others in the Lord's Holy Temple. His crowning achievement is nothing more important than that of his family. No one receives a crown of glory without that. Family always mattered to him, and he will always matter to us.

Good bye Uncle Harold. You will be missed. We are looking forward to being with you once again in our Heavenly Father's home.

CONFESSIONS OF A ROCK AND ROLL JUNKIE

For some of you this will not come as a shock, but for all of my life, (well, maybe since I was about 14), I have been a rock and roll junkie. My habit first started with the first radio I ever owned that was a gift from my grandpa.
Back then the songs were innocuous enough, even though many parents were disturbed by the beat, and the gyrations of the singers as they performed on stage. Elvis Presley’s famous ‘moves’ were even banned from view on television. He could not be shown from the hips on down. Looking back, it seems almost laughable considering today’s dancing is nothing short of pornographic. Have you ever watched the “grind”?
Anyway, some of my favorites of the day were the first R&R artists like The Marcells, The Platters, etc. Then came the surfing craze, and guys like Dick Dale, The Beach Boys, Jan & Dean, The Marketts, The Surfaris, and so on became top dogs. The driving beat of the bass guitars and twang of the ‘surf’ guitar sounds were stirring, and fun. The Beach Boys could harmonize like no one else. Oh, let me not forget the great Chantays, who did “Pipeline”, one of the all-time greatest surf pieces ever written. Being the backwoods boy I was, I had no idea the Pipeline was a famous surfing spot in Hawaii.
Well, their glory was short lived. Not long after they rose to the top came the “British Invasion”. My first memory was a huge hit called I Want to Hold Your Hand, and She Loves You by the Beatles. Then, almost simultaneously came the Rolling Stones with Satisfaction, and the world was on fire with Beatlemania, and Stones fever.
We just could not get enough. In high school, we donned “Nehru” jackets to look like the Beatles, and their famous long hair kicked off for decades the long hairstyles I still disdain to this day. I never took that up. To this day only the Stones are intact. Even the Beatles self-destructed in time due to over-blown egos, a common problem in so many groups of the time, even in Motown groups.
Talk about Motown….Motown had some lovely songs, even great music and great performers. But I did not like it enough to spend my hard earned bucks on their records. Mainly, I just could not identify with them.
Then came the Vietnam war, and music began to change. Rock and Roll turned to hard rock, and later, heavy metal. Folk music, also a popular genre on college campuses (campaii?), turned to protest songs, and so did a lot of rock groups, too. The war and drugs soon had a new style of rock music being played.
Being the idealistic young man I was, I never associated myself with those kinds of people and therefore never bought into their music……ever. I was serving in the air force by then, and felt it was my patriotic duty to stand by my country. Liking or buying their music was like casting a vote for their ideals, which to me were unsavory. Besides, stupid songs like Puff the Magic Dragon and Blowin’ in the Wind by Peter, Paul and Mary left me cold, and nauseated. Were it not for its hallucinogenic implications, Puff, to me, sounded like it belonged on Sesame Street, not on the Top 40. I mean, c’mon, do lyrics like


Little Jacky Paper loved that rascal, Puff.
Would buy him wings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff.
.. actually move or grip you? Only if you are tweaked on marijuana! Which is what the song was all about, anyway.
In the late 60’s an American band came along that captured my imagination. What’s more, they were home-grown from L.A. Their first big hit was Light My Fire just about the time I was enlisting in the air force. Of course, I am talking about “The Doors”.
It wasn’t until 1968 while I was stationed in Japan, that I bought for the first time their album, The Doors. It was not until then I had anything to play theirs or anyone else’s albums on. The plain and simple fact was, until that time I was not making enough money to purchase a record player, amplifier, and speakers, much less a full-size, reel-to-reel tape recorder. Not long after arriving in Japan, I bought said items, and my music collection was soon growing.
Soon after The Doors, I purchased Strange Days, and a little later still, I bought Waiting for the Sun. I already had many albums from days of working before I joined the air force, by The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and even Bob Dylan’s Highway 61. Before I left Japan I had an eclectic collection of rock music albums. Amongst which were The Cream, Iron Butterfly, Beautiful Day, The Human Beinz, Jefferson Airplane, and maybe some others that have long ago slipped my memory.
The Beatles collection I had was Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, Magical Mystery Tour, and Abbey Road. After Abbey Road, the Beatles called it quits, but not until after they cut Let it Be (which I could not stomach). Some of these items were given away, which I regret sorely for now they could fetch a fair price by collectors.

And how could I leave out the first and only "heavy metal" band I ever liked? I discovered the Led Zeppelin one night in a Tokyo discoteque (sp.?) just before I was to ship out to Vietnam. I was amazed to see Japanese rockin' out to those sounds. I can't remember which of their songs they were playing, but their sound caught me up, and I loved it!

The next morning I went downtown and found their first two albums in a records shop. They were cut in Japan and had Japanese writing and labels on them, but they were outstanding in quality. I recorded them onto cassette tapes and bought a Sony car stereo player for cassettes.As soon as I got home to the states I installed the stereo in my '70 Mustang while I was in Arizona going to a special school for weapons specialists in preparation for duty in Vietnam. Every weekend I drove that car at max speed home to California and blasted the Led Zeppelin music on my stereo the whole way to Riverside.

In those days records were large flat discs that had to be spun on a turntable called a record player. An arm with a diamond-tipped needle on one end, rode on the disc between grooves that were engraved with analog tracks that ‘tickled’ the needle. The needle was imbedded in a cartridge in the arm that was wired to a pre-amp, which then had to have either a stand-alone amplifier or an incorporated amplifier if it was so-built.
The groove had two tracks, the left being the stereophonic left channel, and the right was the right channel. Eventually, the record wore down by the constant friction from the needle. Great pains were taken to balance the arm so as to only touch the record with enough tracking force that would play well and not skip; all this to preserve the longevity of the disc.
For this very reason most of us bought tape decks, which in those days had two reels to reel off and take up a tape onto which sound signals could be magnetically recorded. Thus, we preserved our records and played them only as often as the tapes could last.
It finally came time for me to move on to a little country in south-east Asia called Vietnam, where my rock music collection came to an abrupt halt. What did Vietnam have to do with what records I bought, you may ask? I don’t know, but I think it had something to do with being in love with and engaged to my future wife. Easy Listening soon became the theme of a lot of my music, and besides, my wife had no background at all in the rock and roll music of later years. Mexico was a romantic music country, and my wife loved love songs. She liked the old rock and roll and pop singers from the U.S. like Vic Damone, Neil Sedaka, Pat Boone, Elvis Presley, Dion, and the like. They were heart throbs not only in the U.S., but around the world, and the young Mexican women, it seems, were no different.
After coming home from a war, and getting married, it just didn’t seem appropriate to be listening to hard, or classic rock. My nerves needed soothing, so it was easy listening or elevator music on the Stereophonic FM band for a long time.
Then, years later, easy listening music stations began to die off. It seems they were losing their $hirts, and big money bought them out to promote what was then called underground FM. It was a place where hard rock could be played in full stereophonic sound, which had heretofore been the domain of the AM radio band blasting in flat, monophonic signals. For audiophiles, that just would not do!
Mostly the junk they played in the beginning was hard or acid rock, but before long a few stations, thankfully, came up with a new format called classic rock. Soon thereafter in some metropolitan areas a few Oldies stations sprang up. What a blessing this was for me! Not only could I hear my old favorites, but my classic rock, as well. My wife loved the Oldies format that was on K-EARTH (KRTH) 101.1 FM. It is a station today that still thrives.
Then came the amazing compact disc, and before you know it I was buying my old collection in digital form. Nerves soothed, and sick of easy listening music, I latched on to the new format and soon had a cool collection of CD’s filled with my favorite music.
However happy I was to have them, the one group I have enjoyed playing over and over again was The Doors. With renewed appreciation I enjoyed Jim Morrison’s sultry crooning in songs like Moonlight Drive, End of the Night, Wishful Sinful, Riders on the Storm, and Yes, the River Knows. I also love the sound of the bass guitar player in Twentieth Century Fox, and the classical guitar sound of Spanish Caravan. I really cannot explain what the attraction is that keeps me coming back to this band’s sound. They were unique with the usage of the keyboards (electric piano, and electronic organ), unlike so many other bands that were mostly clanging guitars and drums only, like the early Beatles were.
Believe it or not, some of the songs have a soothing quality in them, like the softness of Riders on the Storm with the falling rain and rolling thunder mixed in, or like the haunting sound in You’re Lost, Little Girl, and the melancholy of Yes, the River Knows.
Over the years, the Doors have stayed on the top of my preferred classic rock list for this reason. Their sound uniqueness has outlasted all other super groups before them or since.
Finally, on a sad note, on July the 3rd, 1971, at the age of only 27 years, Jim Morrison died in his apartment in Paris, France, a victim of his own excesses. To this day his parents have not been able to claim his body for an American burial. The French government, in all their typical weirdness, has declared Jim Morrison and his gravesite a national treasure, and refuses his grieving family the right to take him home. Like France needs another national treasure!

The Day I Was Kidnapped

Okay, now that I have your attention, I will tell you the title should read, "The Day They Thought I was kidnapped".

This is an old story that goes back to my days when I was a deputy sheriff for San Bernardino county and was working the night shift at the county jail in San Bernardino.

Whenever I worked the night shift I was prone to sleeplessness. Usually I would work in the garden a few hours and then try to get some shut-eye before going in to work. I have never been a day sleeper. There is something about the sun being above the horizon that won't let my brain shut down for sleep.

We had two little ones in the house at the time and my wife was having a hard time keeping them quiet. I got up out of bed and decided I would go for a ride on my motorcycle.

After I hit the road, I thought I would take a ride to Ontario via Highland Avenue to visit my grandpa Baguley. It was a beautiful day, and I rolled the throttle in my right hand and sped into the noon day breeze as I headed west on Highland, with my brown coat flying in the slipstream like a flag whipping the sky.

I arrived in Ontario shortly, and had a nice visit with my grandfather. After a short visit, I decided it was time to head back home again.

My house was on north "D" st, in San Bernardino. As I turned the corner onto D st, I saw in front of my home two sheriff patrol cars, with Captain Pounders from Central division. Being inside the city limits I wondered why sheriff's vehicles were there and why were they at my house? I saw my friend and neighbor, Renato Giannini, also a deputy sheriff who worked with me at the jail, in front of my house.

They heard my motorcycle as I approached, and Renato looked like he was about to cry. I saw Capt. Pounders get on the radio and told the Central Division dispatcher to call off Forty-King (Our helicopter).

As I coasted to a stop in front of my house, I asked Renato what the heck is going on? He said, "Dude, where is your wallet?" Still not catching on to what the hubbub was all about, I reached into my coat pocket to pull out my I.D. wallet with my sheriff's badger. It was gone. That is when Renato handed it to me.

"Someone found it on Highland Ave. and called the sheriff's office. We thought you had been kidnapped by someone from the Venceremos, a radical group that morphed into the Simbianese Liberation Army (famous for the soon-to-occur shoot out they had in L.A with the police and FBI, (and, who had also kidnapped Patty Hearst).

We had some of their founding members in our jail at the time, and had convicted them for murder and escape from Chino Prison. It seems they had made a threat to get even, and kill some of our officers. They were sure I was the first to go down.

Stunned, I apologized, and to my chagrin, the officers involved all wiped away tears of joy and relief, and left happy.

I few moments later I found out from my wife the terror she went through when the officers came to the door.

She related to me she heard a knock at the door and when she opened it, a deputy forced his way into the house. It seems her frizzy hair, dark skin, and Spanish accent made them suspicious. The officer sternly demanded her to show her identification, which she did while holding our baby daughter, Cynthia, in her arms.

They checked all through our house to make sure no one else was hiding about. It was then my wife started to get scared, not knowing what was going on and why.

Apparently it all cooled off just as I showed up. Needless to say I never rode my motorcycle again without securing my wallet in a safer pocket.

On a More Serious Note:

Preface

When it comes to religion I am not an in-your-face kind of guy. For most of my life I have lived my religion quietly. I don’t put smarmy bumper/window stickers on my car with religious symbols or sayings to prove my devotion.

I accept the reality that there are those who choose to worship differently than I do. They are free to do so, not just because our constitution declares it, but also because it is a right and gift given to us by the very God we worship.

My way of worship does not include tearing down another’s religion or attacking one’s beliefs to prove my faith is truer. I do not see that as a Christ-like way to teach about Him. Unfortunately, my way of worship is constantly under assault by those who act just the opposite of my way. They feel “divinely” justified in ridiculing sacred beliefs and exposing “errors” (as they suppose them to be), in The Book of Mormon.

Refusing to use spiritual discernment to determine the correctness of the Book of Mormon (as Moroni promises in Moroni, 10:4-5), they instead rely on junk science, i.e., mal-applied DNA testing and interpretation, and presumed anachronisms in its text. Their hit-and-run tactics prove they have no interest in the truth, nor a fair explanation. Diatribes rather than dialogues are their preferred method of conversing. (I expect this blog may even bear this out).

My Declaration

To my posterity I solemnly declare the Book of Mormon is true. It is the word of God translated from ancient records maintained by descendants of the tribe of Joseph, which were translated by the gift and power of God through his latter-day prophet, Joseph Smith, Jr.

It is by the power of the Holy Ghost I know this to be the truth. While there may be archeological evidence in these latter days that support the Book of Mormon, my faith is sustained by the un-erring and ever-enduring witness of the Holy Ghost.

A testimony confirmed by the spirit is never provisional. It does not waiver with the opinions of science, or give temporary approval until “something better” comes along, or until ‘error’ is discovered, or doubt is cast by unbelievers. Instead an all omniscient God, seeing all that is to come to pass, quietly assures me of its truthfulness.

It is, therefore, a sequitur that if the Book of Mormon is true, Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God, and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the divinely restored church of Him whose name it bears. For Christ declared, “Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.” (3 Nephi 14:17)

Today Thomas S. Monson now stands as the Lord’s duly authorized mouthpiece; a prophet, seer, and revelator to declare the word of God as it is revealed to him. His counselors and the members of the Quorum of the Twelve are true apostles and prophets of God.

I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

How David and Olivia Didn’t Meet

How David and Olivia Didn’t Meet

As I said in “How I Met the Love of My Life” I logged a lot of miles on the western highway in Arizona and California while I was attending school in Tucson. Not too long after Tina and I were engaged, we made a trip to Tijuana, Mexico to meet her parents who were staying there with Tina’s sister, Olivia. It would be my first trip to Tijuana, Mexico in twenty years.

Olivia was working as a bookkeeper as I recall. We went directly there just as soon as we crossed the border. Olivia was delighted to meet me, and was genuinely happy for her little sister, Tina. She struck me as a very pleasant, attractive woman and it soon occurred to me she would be an ideal match for my uncle David.

We spent an hour or so with Olivia and then headed off to her apartment in a very nice ‘colonia’ on the edge of town where we were to meet her parents. There I met Ernestina and Jose Briones for the very first time. It was a pleasant meeting and I was un-expectedly comfortable the entire time, even though I was the only ‘gringo’ around.

I was genuinely impressed with my first encounter with south-of-the-border Mexican hospitality. Not sure how I would be received, I was a little un-settled. But, everyone went out of their way to make me feel welcome and comfortable. (I soon learned that was [is] the Mexican way). To be anything else was considered “mal educado” (bad up-bringing).

Mamá Briones soon had me at the dining table filling my hungry tummy with delightful, tasty Mexican soup and tortillas. I had never tasted any soup so savory, even though my mother was an excellent cook. She just never cooked Mexican food like that! My idea of a tortilla was pretty much of flour. Oh, we had corn tortillas, but back then they tasted like cardboard and were about as stiff and dry. The only thing they had in common with tortillas south of the border was that they were round and flat. After that the resemblance ended. Therefore, flour tortillas were preferable. But, not so that day! Fresh off the ‘placas’ from the local tortillería, these things were hot, supple, moist and oh-so flavorful! They were addicting! For me it was gourmet at its most basic and economical level. Do these people know how good they have it, I wondered? (Little did I know it was a preview of things to come).

Even though I was quite full, Mamá Briones kept insisting I had not eaten enough. She couldn’t understand how I could be full so quickly. Maybe it’s because I was not walking to town and back like they were used to doing. Those calories had to go somewhere! Anyway, it was another thing I soon learned- that when you accept an invitation from a Mexican to eat, be prepared to EAT! These people are not stingy, and will gladly share even their last tortilla with you.

After the meal, I napped while Tina brought Olivia up to date on our plans, and where I had to go before we could get married more than a year hence. Soon, we had to leave and just as we were crossing back over the border, I mentioned to Tina that my uncle David had just been divorced and I thought it was a good idea to introduce him to Olivia. Well, the idea didn’t fly. Unfortunately, according to Tina, Olivia had just been dumped by a boyfriend, and Tina didn’t think it was a good idea to give her false hopes since Olivia was still smarting from the break up. She was still emotionally unsettled and apparently had told Tina so in a previous conversation. I reluctantly let the matter drop.

About 3 months later when I was in Vietnam, Tina sent me a letter stating she thought it would be a good idea to introduce David to Olivia, and what did I think? I was floored! What happened between the time I mentioned it and now? I had to ask. What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. Tina had never met David before I had proposed my idea. After she met him and saw his handsome chiseled features and his soft-spoken manner, she knew it would be a big mistake to let this ‘gringo’ get away!

This is as far as my involvement goes. Of course the story doesn't end here, but that part has to be filled in by two other women, and they are Herlinda and Tina. As soon as they make available to me there accounts, I will add them as part two of this title.

How I Met the Love of My Life

Not to long ago my oldest son asked my how I and his mother had met. I was a little taken aback since I thought I had told this story to them before. Nevertheless, it was worth repeating, and therefore worth writing down as I should have done years ago.

If you have been reading my writings in proper order, you will recall I joined the Air Force in 1967. Later that year I received orders transferring me to Japan. It was while I was serving in Japan I received an urgent letter from my sister Ellen asking me to come home to see if I could be helpful in saving our mom and dad’s marriage. I had been in Japan at that time well over a year and a half.

In late October of 1969 I flew home from Japan to see what was wrong at home. I had no idea that my parent’s marriage was in danger. It retrospect it was inevitable the way they fought like cats and dogs.

Upon arriving my dad and I went out to breakfast together, and he told me his side of the story. It was painful to hear, and I must admit I sort of leaned to his side. But that quickly changed. A waitress about my dad’s age had been waiting on us. Apparently she knew my dad as he was a regular customer, I soon learned. As she left the table with our order my dad floored me with a flirting glance at her, and commented, “I wouldn’t mind hooking up with her”. My whole perspective changed, and I realized I was there only as a spectator.

You might wonder why I am bothering to mention these things. Although embarrassing they may be, there is a lesson to be learned here, and I want my children to see it and learn it. It had a lot to do with my approach and attitude for the rest of my leave of duty, and it served as a lesson to me for my own future marriage.

While I was home on leave I decided to go to church and look up some old friends. Most of my closest friends were either in the navy or the air force, but Rick Smith was one who never had to join, so I found him in our old ward. When he learned I could speak a little Japanese, he asked me to help with a young Japanese student at the next YM/YW event. She was staying with an LDS family and could hardly speak English.

The next YM/YW (then called M-Men and Gleaners) activity was a Sadie Hawkins theme dance. It was held at Watkins House on the UCR campus in Riverside. By that time I had already visited this young Japanese girl (Sachiko) at the home she was staying in, where I dined on Japanese food prepared by her. I had also taken her to Disneyland for a day. We got acquainted, but that was the extent of it.

I took Sachiko to the dance, but since she didn’t dance, we sat most of the time.

Beside me were sitting to young ladies chatting away in Spanish. Fortunately, my Spanish was much better than my Japanese, but ever-so rusty. Both of the ladies were attractive, and very friendly. They were bowled over by my ability to speak Spanish. The one girl was named Maria Molina and was from Chile. The other was Tina Briones and was from Mexico.

Maria spoke Spanish at an incredible speed, and I struggled to keep up. Tina was a lot slower and her Spanish was more suited to my style. Unbeknownst to me, Tina had a marvelous revelation at the moment we began speaking in Spanish. She later told me she had come from Mexico in hopes of meeting a decent young man to marry. Fortunately for me, she relied on prayer to guide her thoughts and desires.

She distinctly heard a voice clearly speaking to her mind say, “This is the young man you are looking for!” I thank God to this day for her righteous desires and spiritual way of seeking a mate. Now, I could end the story here, because you really know all you have to know to figure out the rest, but what fun would that be?

The rest of the evening went somewhat oddly. Later, Tina asked me to dance with her. (Lady’s choice) To her complete embarrassment I turned her down! Please do not ask me why, I only know that I did. It was a cultural shock to her, as it was considered rude in her country and culture to deny a young lady a request to dance. Even though I had turned her down, I immediately added I would be more than happy to just sit and chat. Mind you, I was unaware of her revelation, and had no romantic intentions whatsoever. She just had an engaging personality and besides that, I was having fun showing off my linguistic abilities.

Before long Tina told me she needed a ride home after the dance, and who could deny that? However, there was a problem. I also had to take Sachiko home, too. Now this is where the story gets cuter. Sachiko lived farther away from the campus than did Tina. It would have been more practical for me to have taken Tina home first then Sachiko. But it was manipulated by guess-who to work out the other way. As we got into the car, I opened the door for Sachiko to get in and Tina slid in first, which allowed her to sit next to me. I wonder how that happened?

It just seemed to make sense that the one closest to the door would be the first out, so- it was Sachiko who got dropped off first. That left Tina sitting next to me for the balance of the time, and, I might add, she didn’t move over either when Sachiko got out.

Next stop was Tina’s home. Tina was staying with her sister Herlinda and brother-in-law Gary Bowen. They lived on the east side of Riverside on Thornton street quite a ways away from Sachiko’s which was out towards the Magnolia area. Of course this gave us time to talk more and Tina took advantage of it. By the time we arrived at her home I had a pretty good feeling about her. I gave her my APO address in Japan and told her to write.

Before my leave expired I had opportunity to see Tina again. She had mentioned she was enrolled in an English academy and had to walk all the way home when class was over. Gallantly I offered to take her home, since I had nothing better to do. I met her at the academy the next day and was introduced to her teacher Mrs. Reyes. We were then invited to come to her home ((Reyes) and have dinner with her that coming Saturday. For the first time since I was a toddler, I ate genuine Mexican food! Mrs. Reyes complimented me on my Spanish diction, which of course was very flattering.

Tina had to return to Mexico because her U.S. visitors pass was about to expire. While she was in Mexico she went back to the beauty shop where she had been employed since she was seventeen years old and informed the owner, Avilia Cerecer that she intended to quit and return to the United States. Tina was her top beautician and it really upset her. But Tina didn’t care. She was twenty-four years old and at last her life had a purpose and a new focus. Man, this girl was confident!

Two weeks after we parted, I arrived back in Misawa, Japan. On my first day back at the base I went to check my mail box at the base post office. It was stuffed with post cards and letters from Tina. In one letter she had included a very beautiful 3x5 portrait of herself. I put it up on my dorm wall. A couple of days later a young airman of Mexican descent saw the picture and asked, “who is that?” I responded, “Oh, that’s the woman I am going to marry!” I surprised myself when I had said that, because I had never before entertained any such thoughts.

Well, as luck would have it, I received orders to Vietnam the very moment I stepped off of the plane back from my leave. By now it was December in 1969. I went to the base HQ to get my travel orders and so forth, and found I had been diverted to Davis-Monthan AFB in Tucson, AZ for something called SEA training. (SEA I found meant south-east Asia). I wondered what it could be the air force had in store for me. What on earth was SEA training all about, and why was I the only one in my group going? At any rate it was a 60-day school, and I just might get to see Tina. As a matter of fact, I made that my objective. So, in advance of the school starting date I took another leave, and left Japan for good in January, 1970.

While I was on leave, I visited Tina and she invited me over for dinner on Sunday after church. Each day I was feeling closer and closer to this attractive and vibrant young woman. It soon became obvious what was going to happen. On a beautiful Saturday morning Tina and I headed off together to spend the day at Disneyland. We had loads of fun running around hand in hand on the various rides and attractions. Afterwards we went to my home to see my parents for awhile. While things were still touchy, my mom and dad had, for the moment, made up and things seemed normal again.

After a short stay it was time to take Tina back home. It was on the way to her home she told me she loved me. Cupid’s arrow had found its mark!

Before I knew it, it was time to report for my schooling in Tucson. As I arrived at base HQ to check in for duty, I had to ask what this training was all about. It was then I was told the training was for those who had not yet worked or been trained on the F-4 Phantom II fighter jet. I just about laughed out loud! Are you kidding? I have been working on that plane for the last two years and am familiar with every weapon and munitions it carries, including nuclear weapons which I loaded many times in Korea! Even though the air force would never admit a mistake like that, or care to rectify it, I decided to keep silent about it, just in case someone would try to fast-track me on to Vietnam.

It took me a while to realize that something else was involved here. The inadvertent error had given Tina and me time to become more acquainted. In fact, it was during this time we became engaged to be married. On Friday’s school let out before lunch. I already had my car parked in the lot outside the school room door packed with whatever I would need for the week-end in Riverside. When dismissed, I jumped into the car and headed for the I-10. It was a 450-mile jaunt from Tucson to Riverside, and I could do it in less than 7 hours. Of course that meant I had to travel close to and average better than 75 mph. Actually, 80 was more like what I did!

During the week of February 14th, Sears was having a special on diamonds and rings. My mother let me charge to her Sears credit card a diamond ring I had found in the Tucson store. That weekend I officially asked Tina to be my bride. It was a humble ring, but it meant everything to her. We set a date for as soon as I came back from Vietnam, and of course, we wanted to be married in the Los Angeles Temple.

Our week-ends were jammed with fun things to do. We would go to the mountains, drag races, and church. After Sacrament meeting (then held in the evening), I would reluctantly mount up again in my car for the return trip to Tucson, arriving just in time to catch a couple of hours sleep before school. This went on for weeks. When I couldn’t afford the gasoline to California, I would pawn my camera lenses at the local pawn shop. Often, other airmen, who knew what I was doing, would ask to go along so they could catch a flight in LA and save on airfare to Washington where we shipped out for Vietnam. They bought the gasoline and I got to see Tina!

After my one-year tour in Vietnam, I returned home to my sweetheart and we were married April 8th, 1971 in the Los Angeles Temple. It was a really small and quiet occasion. Only Gary and Herlinda went with us to the temple that day. I remember the sealer had to go to the Celestial room to find us a second witness. A young man who was preparing to go on a Spanish-speaking mission had just taken out his own endowments. His name was Elder Diaz. Isn’t that funny? I’ll bet he never dreamed when he left home on that day that he would not only receive his own endowments, but witness a sealing as well!

Looking back it is easy to see the Lord’s hand in our lives. How was it I came to California all the way from Japan for that first meeting at the dance? And how was it at the same time she came all the way from Mexico just to visit her sister upon her invitation? Why did the air force screw up only my orders in Japan and send me to train on a plane I already knew? Too many things fell into place to believe it was chance, especially when my wife had that clear voice telling her the search was over.

Not enough people believe that God knows us personally and cares about us. But I testify to all and to my children He does know us and He can and will lead us to happiness if we just let Him and live our lives worthily to be so led.